Life Shouldn't Be A Fuckin' Grind

I will never be a poker pro, but my lifetime poker ledger is positive and I think that's something to be proud of.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I'm Done

I'm done playing serious poker, at least for a while. I probably played higher than I should have tonight seeing as how my bankroll was already decimated, I know I went on tilt and hurt myself even worse and for the umpteenth time this month I also ran like crap. I cashed out $200 and left myself with about $160 spread almost equally between FullTilt and Stars. If I lose that, I'm not re-depositing until I've got a stable job making plenty of money and can afford to throw money away. Obviously, I can no longer assume that I can make money on the side from poker.

It was fun and profitable while it lasted. I'd guess that I've cashed out somewhere in the neighborhood of $4000-$4500 from poker since I started playing online almost two years ago now. I guess that's pretty good for a hobby and it's come in handy when I've needed it. I've also made some money playing live...I'd guess I've spent like $1k or so, but I don't really know for sure. I went live game broke last weekend and I really can't play again now until I've got $150 that I can afford to lose if a 3/6 game doesn't go well.

I simply can't handle playing poker for money, at least not at this stage of my life. I can't handle losing. I put way too much pressure on myself, I go on tilt way too easily and losing hurts me way too much. This month I've dropped over $1k online. That really hurts, for the first time it feels like real money to me and I keep thinking about what I could do with that money. For these reasons, I'm done.

I hope that the little money I left online will allow me to play a few cheap tourneys, SnGs and cash games. Maybe over time I'll be able to rebuild it and play for meaningful stakes again, but for now it's best that I stop taking poker so seriously. This will likely be my last blog, at least for a good long while. Good luck to any readers I might have. I wish all of you the best, it just wasn't for me.

Saturday, February 10, 2007


It's a been a really crappy month for me poker-wise and I haven't really felt like writing much. Honestly, tournaments are much more bloggable and I haven't been playing them much anymore so I think that's cut down on the blogging a lot. Cash games just tend to be draining and there really isn't anything to write about.

Anyway, February has sucked major ass. I've put in almost 6k hands, about 2/3 at 2/4 FR, then most of the rest at 1/2 SH, with some 2/4 SH mixed in as well. Overall, I'm down abotu $350 for the month. And, I'm only at like $80 rakeback and it seems like it should be more with as much as I've played, but meh. Nothin' I can do about that. I think the two best ways to exemplify the way I've been running this month are my stats with KK (26 times, net -$80). Yep, I'm down a ton with KK. And, the following hand which occurred yesterday.

2/4 Full-Ring game on FullTilt, I'm in the BB with AcQc.

2 players limp, SB folds, I raise and both limpers call.

Flop - Qd 6s 2c

I bet, both players call.

Turn - 3h

I bet, both players call.

River - Td

I bet, first limper raises, second limper folds, I call

Villain shows Tc6c for a rivered two pair. Pretty much sums up the way I've been running this month. I play a hand perfectly, get a great board and the villain hits a fiver outer on me. Awesome.

In slightly better looks like I'm going to be able to get things set up with epassporte and get that working here soon so that I can at least cash out my rakeback. I've got my account verified and I've set it up as my preferred deposit and withdrawal option on FTP and Stars. Now, I'm just waiting for the VISA card that I paid $35 for to arrive in the mail so I can get my money out thru an ATM, instead of setting up the bank account and waiting forever for EFTs to go through.

I also had a decent session at the boat tonight. I got there about 9:45 and managed to get in the 6/12 game by about 10:15 or 10:20. The game was full for several hours, then shorthanded for at least a couple hours before it final broke shortly before 6 am. So, I got a 7.5 hour session in and managed to quit up $62. That was a major victory because at one point I was down to the last $45 or so of my original buy-in and had to rebuy for another $100 in chips. At that point, I was at serious risk of going broke (at least in terms of the money I have set aside for live games). But, my QQ flopped top set and won a nice pot against a flopped pair of Q's and I began climbing uphill from there. I actually think I won most of my money after the game was shorthanded (less than 10 at least). I really feel like I have a serious edge in a shorthanded setting, because I play it online and I know what I'm doing alot more than most of the players there. For instance, when we were playing shorthanded tonight, nobody was really a huge donkey, but I definitely believe I was the best player at the table. Of course, I was also finally getting some cards too, which helped. But, I still think I have a solid edge, maybe bigger than in a ring game.

I was very happy tonight to leave with a profit though and maybe that will help me to start turning things around online as well.