The Year is Over

2008 is almost over and it was definitely not a successful year for me pokerwise. I'd venture to guess that including home games, a couple of casino trips and some sporadic, low-stakes online play, I lost somewhere between $500 and $1k in 2008. Almost certainly my worst year of poker since I started really taking the game seriously. Then again, I guess I was never able to get over the hump and really take my game to the next level. I can still beat micro stakes games populated with really bad players, but I continually get knocked down when I try to get much about .5/1 online. I'm more or less break even at best in SnGs and MTTs right now and of course, as always, I suck at NLHE cash.

I got stoxtrader's Winning in Tough Hold'em Games for Christmas and I intend to go through that a couple of times in the next few months trying to really understand the concepts. I expect 2009 to actually be a pretty busy year for me with various Air Force training classes and possibly my first real assignment by the end of the year. Hence, I doubt I will have a lot of time to put in a lot of hands of poker or really improve much. My goals therefore are modest. To show at least a 10% ROI in SnGs and MTTs when I play them, to grind my ~$200 online roll up over $1000 and show a profit of at least 1BB/100 at 6max LHE. I'd like to be rolled for and playing 1/2 6max by the end of the year, but I don't know how attainable that is with the time that I will have to invest. I also hope to avoid leaks like playing NL cash online and or shorthanded HORSE. I do think that I have an advantage at full-ring HORSE if I play tight ABC poker, so I may play a bit of that for fun, but nothing too serious. Most importantly, I hope to continue to learn to control tilt and get good enough at 6max that I can play it regularly.

TPGHM Part II

Sitting in another hotel room tonight after 8 hours of driving. I managed over 500 miles today, so I'm pretty happy about that, but also rather tired. I was 4-tabling for a while with one donkament, two .5/1 tables and one .25/.50 table (all full-ring) and then I realized I was really tired and not concentrating optimally, so I quit after about 150 hands. I did book a small win mostly because I made 18 BB on one of my .5/1 tables (lost on the other two, but won a few bucks overall). I lost another hand with AA in a comical fashion, making me now 1 for 6 with big pairs in the last two nights. This time a guy peeled a 567 flop against with with J9s (no flush draw), raised me when a 9 came on the turn, then made two pair on the river...I could literally do nothing but laugh. It was just too comical.

I didn't really get any cards in the donkament (just a $3.30 doublestack turbo to get my fix in a little bit). BTW, I haven't cashed in a tournament in about a month, it's sick how bad I've been running in big coinflips or all-in hands where I'm ahead. No cards really until the following hand, six-outered on the river. Awesome.


Full Tilt Poker Game #9618443617: $3 + $0.30 Tournament (73204335), Table 34 - 80/160 - No Limit Hold'em - 20:30:27 ET - 2008/12/21
Seat 1: ALLANWILKI (10,695)
Seat 2: CinciKid22 (2,610)
Seat 3: kay123us (3,030)
Seat 4: Cptcrap (6,630)
Seat 5: new4me (2,785)
Seat 7: Hoemkes (3,175)
Seat 8: IIIVEIII (2,115)
Seat 9: Hot Rod Robert (7,225)
Hoemkes posts the big blind of 160
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to CinciKid22 [Ah Jd]
IIIVEIII folds
Hot Rod Robert folds
ALLANWILKI folds
CinciKid22 raises to 480
kay123us has 15 seconds left to act
kay123us folds
Cptcrap calls 480 (I'm okay with this given his AQo, but I think he should probably fold or re-raise...smooth calling is bad IMO)
new4me folds
Hoemkes folds
*** FLOP *** [Jh 5d Th]
CinciKid22 bets 640
Cptcrap has 15 seconds left to act
Cptcrap calls 640 (WHY?, bad call IMO)
*** TURN *** [Jh 5d Th] [8h]
CinciKid22 bets 1,490, and is all in
Cptcrap calls 1,490
CinciKid22 shows [Ah Jd]
Cptcrap shows [As Qh]
*** RIVER *** [Jh 5d Th 8h] [Qc] (This is how the poker gods decided to do me tonight...fun stuff)
CinciKid22 shows a pair of Jacks
Cptcrap shows a pair of Queens
Cptcrap wins the pot (5,380) with a pair of Queens
CinciKid22 stands up
The blinds are now 100/200
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 5,380 Rake 0
Board: [Jh 5d Th 8h Qc]
Seat 1: ALLANWILKI didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: CinciKid22 showed [Ah Jd] and lost with a pair of Jacks
Seat 3: kay123us didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: Cptcrap showed [As Qh] and won (5,380) with a pair of Queens
Seat 5: new4me (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: Hoemkes (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 8: IIIVEIII didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: Hot Rod Robert didn't bet (folded)

Bolded commentary is pretty much just for fun. FWIW, I want him to play his hand this way. Anytime I can get all-in with my opponent drawing that thin on the river, I'm happy.

*edit* nevermind, he had more outs than I thought...like 9 I think? Still not great I don't think, but probably thought he was even better off. I'm just tired, still think I should have won this hand, but whatever...I run bad when it counts in donkaments these days.

*double edit* Pokerstoved it. I'm 71% on the flop, 77% on the turn. Very okay with getting all my chips in here. Donkaments are just high variance...bleh.

The Poker Gods Hate Me

I seriously wonder what I did to piss off the poker gods. Two hands tonight that I just amazing.

Six handed in a $5.50 SnG, I've played okay, not gotten many cards. Had a couple steals not work, won a couple small pots. I have like 1250 left with blinds of 150/300. Folds to the button who makes it 300 to go, I shove from the BB with AJo, he tanks and calls with A8o (lol). Flop comes AT8, gg me.

Then there was this gem at .5/1 LHE.


Full Tilt Poker Game #9601729330: Table Desert Inn - $0.50/$1 - Limit Hold'em - 22:27:30 ET - 2008/12/20
Seat 1: gerg601 ($15.10)
Seat 2: XxKingLeoxX ($11.65)
Seat 3: CinciKid22 ($45.85)
Seat 4: YsDrift ($33.45)
Seat 5: azsparks ($9)
Seat 6: prowear ($20.90)
Seat 7: 1Rocket7 ($59.40)
Seat 8: FunDuck ($39)
XxKingLeoxX posts the small blind of $0.25
CinciKid22 posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to CinciKid22 [Ad Ah]
YsDrift calls $0.50
azsparks folds
prowear folds
1Rocket7 folds
FunDuck folds
gerg601 folds
XxKingLeoxX folds
CinciKid22 raises to $1
YsDrift calls $0.50
*** FLOP *** [Jd 8s 8d]
CinciKid22 bets $0.50
YsDrift calls $0.50
*** TURN *** [Jd 8s 8d] [4d]
CinciKid22 bets $1
YsDrift calls $1
*** RIVER *** [Jd 8s 8d 4d] [Ts]
CinciKid22 bets $1
YsDrift raises to $2
CinciKid22 calls $1
*** SHOW DOWN ***
YsDrift shows [Qd 9s] a straight, Queen high
CinciKid22 shows [Ad Ah] two pair, Aces and Eights
YsDrift wins the pot ($8.80) with a straight, Queen high
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $9.25 Rake $0.45
Board: [Jd 8s 8d 4d Ts]
Seat 1: gerg601 (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: XxKingLeoxX (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: CinciKid22 (big blind) showed [Ad Ah] and lost with two pair, Aces and Eights
Seat 4: YsDrift showed [Qd 9s] and won ($8.80) with a straight, Queen high
Seat 5: azsparks didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: prowear didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: 1Rocket7 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: FunDuck didn't bet (folded)

And, here's another good one that happened while I was writing this post.


Full Tilt Poker Game #9601729330: Table Desert Inn - $0.50/$1 - Limit Hold'em - 22:27:30 ET - 2008/12/20
Seat 1: gerg601 ($15.10)
Seat 2: XxKingLeoxX ($11.65)
Seat 3: CinciKid22 ($45.85)
Seat 4: YsDrift ($33.45)
Seat 5: azsparks ($9)
Seat 6: prowear ($20.90)
Seat 7: 1Rocket7 ($59.40)
Seat 8: FunDuck ($39)
XxKingLeoxX posts the small blind of $0.25
CinciKid22 posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to CinciKid22 [Ad Ah]
YsDrift calls $0.50
azsparks folds
prowear folds
1Rocket7 folds
FunDuck folds
gerg601 folds
XxKingLeoxX folds
CinciKid22 raises to $1
YsDrift calls $0.50
*** FLOP *** [Jd 8s 8d]
CinciKid22 bets $0.50
YsDrift calls $0.50
*** TURN *** [Jd 8s 8d] [4d]
CinciKid22 bets $1
YsDrift calls $1
*** RIVER *** [Jd 8s 8d 4d] [Ts]
CinciKid22 bets $1
YsDrift raises to $2
CinciKid22 calls $1
*** SHOW DOWN ***
YsDrift shows [Qd 9s] a straight, Queen high
CinciKid22 shows [Ad Ah] two pair, Aces and Eights
YsDrift wins the pot ($8.80) with a straight, Queen high
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $9.25 Rake $0.45
Board: [Jd 8s 8d 4d Ts]
Seat 1: gerg601 (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: XxKingLeoxX (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: CinciKid22 (big blind) showed [Ad Ah] and lost with two pair, Aces and Eights
Seat 4: YsDrift showed [Qd 9s] and won ($8.80) with a straight, Queen high
Seat 5: azsparks didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: prowear didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: 1Rocket7 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: FunDuck didn't bet (folded)

Maybe I should email FullTilt support and ask them to turn off the doomswitch.

*edit* Update: I'm now 0-4 tonight on pairs TT+ at the .5/1 table. Three of them against the same guy from the above KK hand with the same pre-flop action. He sucks out on me every time. I'm stuck 26 BB at that table.

Good thing I'm up 36BB at .25/.50. Ridiculous.

I Run Bad...Play Bad...or Probably a Little of Both

Figured I should update this thing since I haven't in a while.

I actually took a couple of days off after having another tough day on Monday and going minor tilt toward the end of a nearly 1K hand session. But, I just couldn't bring myself to stay away

I played some more LHE today since I seem to be a masochist. I played a little over 500 hands and essentially broke even. I'm realizing more and more that I really need to be playing with tracking software and a HUD. The LHE games online, even at the lowest levels, are very aggressive these days, especially shorthanded and it's imperative that I get some reads if I'm going to start playing anywhere near optimally.

Later on I played some .5/1 HORSE. Frankly, I knew from the start that I shouldn't be playing. It was a shorthanded table and I've never fared well at shorthanded HORSE. I had horrible luck, making several second best hands and missing quite a few hands in the Stud rounds and and ended up losing almost 25 BB. I also played a $5 SnG that was nitty as hell. Pretty much everybody at the table was a small loser on sharkscope (some over fairly big samples). I bubbled when my 77 ran into KJ suited AIPF and lost to the flush. Of course, I did win a hand earlier on where the SB open raised my BB 4-handed and I shoved with A8o and beat AK. So, I guess it kinda runs even, but it was kinda frustrating to get down to the end and just have it be a total pushfest with luck playing a major role. I prefer to be able to manuever a little bit when it gets shorthanded.

Honestly, it amazes me that I ever got my $100 deposit in early October up to $600. I'm back down under $200 as I write this and I'm really feeling like it may not even be worth it to be playing online anymore. I think maybe I can improve my LHE game by practicing against these online players, but it seems like online poker is a damn hard way to make money anymore. Hopefully I can break even in some tourneys and SnGs and have a little fun with it. Maybe, if I can keep myself to the .25/.50 level in cash games until I get to at least $300 again, I can rebuild over the course of many months.

Anyway you slice it, the bottom line is that online poker is way harder to make money at than it was two years ago when I was playing all the time. Couple that with the fact that I'm rusty and playing without any real reads most of the time and I'm probably a losing player over the past month or so when I've been getting pwned.

I thought of something last night that I thought was rather profound. The more I learn about poker, the more I realize just how little I know. It's one thing to be good enough to make money against the donkeys that used to play online regularly, at least at the lower levels. It's quite another to make money against thinking players and I'm no where near that level. Hopefully with a lot of study and practice, someday I will be. But, right now I'm a long way away.

*Update*
Decided to finish the $10+1 Matrix SnG I was in before I posted this. It was nitty as hell, but I managed to somehow pull off two firsts and a third and tied for first place in the Matrix prize pool to with $28.80 for my $11 investment. I'm kinda thinking these Matrix SnG's might be a good way for me to get my poker fix on the cheap for a little while. At least until I can get a HUD and tracking software to make LHE worth my time. I did the math and they actually have more potential profit than just sitting down in 4 SnGs at one time (provided of course that you finish reasonably well on two or three tables).

Current Bankroll -
$208.38

The Bleeding Continue

I continue to bleed money out of my account. This week's big leaks were an ill-advised foray into NL cash where I dropped 2 buy-ins at $25 NL and of course, .5/1 full ring LHE. I think I'm done with full ring for a while. If I ever want to make the jump to being able to beat anything but micro limits, I have to get good at shorthanded, so I'm just gonna play a ton of .25/.50. At that limit, it could take many months to build to where I have at least 500 BB at .5/1 and many more months to get to 1/2, but eventually I can probably do it and in reality, I have nothing but time. I'm in the Air Force for at least the next 4 years anyway so poker is kind of irrelevant in terms of being a money maker for me.

I did have a nice short 200 hand +25 BB session 3-tabling .25/.50 6-max tonight and it helped my confidence a little. I do think that I'm capable of getting there and I am going to get the stoxtrader book after Christmas and get a HUD for my online play sometime after the New Year as well. Maybe by the end of 2009 I can get to 2/4 or something. If I'm honest with myself though, I don't think that I have the temperment to ever be successful enough to play for a living. I can't really handle the swings. I get angry when I lose a pot that I think I should have won and while I continue to work on my tilt problem, I doubt that I will ever be strong enough to handle playing for a living. But, I will continue to play and try to better my game because I need the challenge. I need to challenge myself to get better at something that I enjoy doing, and I'm going to continue to push myself to get better. Maybe someday I can play LHE pretty high, both live and online, but I highly doubt it will ever be my living.

Finally, I mentioned earlier that I lit 50 bucks on fire playing NL cash this week. It was a costly lesson, but it made me realize why I don't play NL cash. I know that NL has a ton of potential for profit. I know that there is a lot of intricacy involved in the game, but I'm not very good at it and I have very little desire to get better because the game is very boring to me. Somebody once said that NL is hours of boredom and moments of sheer terror. I can't take the boredom and I'm just not patient enough to play NL well. In my session this week, I stacked off horribly in a really bad spot with AQo. I also lost money in a couple of other really bad spots. I'm not good at NL cash and I don't enjoy it. Maybe someday I'll try to get better, but I just don't think that I'll ever have the patience to play it well.

Current Bankroll -
$262.48

Running Bad

So, I took another pretty bad Sunday beating yesterday. Even after adding on all of the rakeback I had available, I'm down to less than $300 in my account. It's pretty sick how bad I've been running. I don't think I've cashed in a tournament in forever (at least not for more than my buy-in back). Yesterday I only played 3 MTT's, and busted out early in all of them. I probably overplayed some hands pre-flop, but basically lost coinflips in all to go broke. In the first one, I pushed TT into an MP raiser who called me with KQs to beat me. The next was the $2.25+1r+1a; I rebought immediately and got KK twice early on. On the first one I won a small pot on the flop. On the second one, one guy raised to 140, I re-raised to 440 and the guy behind me shoved for like 1500, of course I called and his ATo pwned my KK when an Ace came on the flop. I blinded off for a while, then a big stack raised on the button and I shoved AJ out of the SB, he called with KQ and it was gg me. Finally, I played an $8.80 180 man and shoved AK out of the BB after one guy raised and two people called. I figured I had a good chance to pick up all the dead money and if anybody called I'd likely be getting very good equity on a coinflip. Of course, the original raiser called with QQ and I didn't get lucky. So, basically I lost four all-in pots in MTT's. One of which I was way ahead on, two that I had the better end of a coinflip and one that I had the worse end of a coinflip. Simple math says that I should have one at least one of those and probably two, but that's poker I guess.

In LHE I lost a fuckton at .5/1 FR and a pretty decent number of bets at .25/.50 6-max. I've been running terrible pretty much for two weeks straight now. I've had a couple of decent days here and there, but for the most part I've just run like shit. I'm not gonna give up though. I do think I'm capable of beating these games. I just have to remain patient and play well. Of course, I really should get Pokertracker or HEM soon, but I don't want to waste the 60 day trial period of PT3 if I'm not gonna be able to play online for most of January and February (which is a distinct possibility). So, I'll wait on those for now and just play .25/.50 6-max and .5/1 FR. I'll keep a bankroll of at least 500 BB for 6-max and maybe even more when I move up to .5/1 and 1/2 down the road.

Finally, these two hands from a short session I played tonight are a pretty good example of how I've been running these past two weeks and especially on Sundays.


Full Tilt Poker Game #9399106822: Table Edward (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - Limit Hold'em - 0:18:59 ET - 2008/12/09
Seat 1: riverjhawk ($15)
Seat 2: yorobthatkid ($1.55)
Seat 3: CinciKid22 ($26.85)
Seat 4: dongpangpang ($13.10)
Seat 5: deeJ_0607 ($28.15)
Seat 6: thirsty2 ($14.40)
thirsty2 posts the small blind of $0.10
riverjhawk posts the big blind of $0.25
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to CinciKid22 [Td Tc]
yorobthatkid folds
CinciKid22 raises to $0.50
dongpangpang has 15 seconds left to act
dongpangpang folds
deeJ_0607 raises to $0.75
thirsty2 has 15 seconds left to act
thirsty2 folds
riverjhawk calls $0.50
CinciKid22 calls $0.25
*** FLOP *** [Qc Js Jh]
riverjhawk checks
CinciKid22 checks
deeJ_0607 bets $0.25
riverjhawk calls $0.25
CinciKid22 calls $0.25
*** TURN *** [Qc Js Jh] [Ts]
riverjhawk checks
CinciKid22 checks
deeJ_0607 bets $0.50
riverjhawk raises to $1
CinciKid22 raises to $1.50
deeJ_0607 has 15 seconds left to act
deeJ_0607: ok
deeJ_0607 calls $1
riverjhawk calls $0.50
*** RIVER *** [Qc Js Jh Ts] [Qd]
riverjhawk checks
CinciKid22 checks
deeJ_0607 bets $0.50
riverjhawk calls $0.50
CinciKid22 calls $0.50
*** SHOW DOWN ***
deeJ_0607 shows [Jc Ad] a full house, Jacks full of Queens
riverjhawk mucks
CinciKid22 mucks
deeJ_0607 wins the pot ($8.65) with a full house, Jacks full of Queens
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $9.10 Rake $0.45
Board: [Qc Js Jh Ts Qd]
Seat 1: riverjhawk (big blind) mucked [8c Ac] - two pair, Queens and Jacks
Seat 2: yorobthatkid didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: CinciKid22 mucked [Td Tc] - a full house, Tens full of Queens
Seat 4: dongpangpang didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: deeJ_0607 (button) showed [Jc Ad] and won ($8.65) with a full house, Jacks full of Queens
Seat 6: thirsty2 (small blind) folded before the Flop


Full Tilt Poker Game #9399365457: Table Topaz - $0.50/$1 - Limit Hold'em - 0:36:55 ET - 2008/12/09
Seat 1: marreta24 ($17.15)
Seat 2: juarino ($7.40)
Seat 3: yahteek ($21.50)
Seat 4: cbRUFIO ($13.30)
Seat 5: Zongo Jr ($25.10)
Seat 7: Mildlyretarded ($9)
Seat 8: CinciKid22 ($50.45)
Seat 9: Leonard1947 ($24.50)
cbRUFIO posts the small blind of $0.25
Zongo Jr posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #3
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to CinciKid22 [Ad Qs]
Mildlyretarded folds
CinciKid22 raises to $1
Leonard1947 folds
marreta24 folds
juarino calls $1
yahteek has 15 seconds left to act
yahteek is sitting out
yahteek has timed out
yahteek folds
cbRUFIO folds
Zongo Jr folds
*** FLOP *** [Qh 5h 9d]
CinciKid22 bets $0.50
juarino calls $0.50
*** TURN *** [Qh 5h 9d] [4h]
CinciKid22 checks
yahteek has returned
juarino bets $1
CinciKid22 calls $1
*** RIVER *** [Qh 5h 9d 4h] [9h]
CinciKid22 checks
juarino bets $1
CinciKid22 calls $1
*** SHOW DOWN ***
juarino shows [Ah Th] a flush, Ace high
CinciKid22 shows [Ad Qs] two pair, Queens and Nines
juarino wins the pot ($7.40) with a flush, Ace high
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $7.75 Rake $0.35
Board: [Qh 5h 9d 4h 9h]
Seat 1: marreta24 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: juarino showed [Ah Th] and won ($7.40) with a flush, Ace high
Seat 3: yahteek (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: cbRUFIO (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 5: Zongo Jr (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 7: Mildlyretarded didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: CinciKid22 showed [Ad Qs] and lost with two pair, Queens and Nines
Seat 9: Leonard1947 didn't bet (folded)

Yep, my life rocks!

Current Bankroll -
$292.23

Minbet Donkaments and Some Poker Theory

One pretty major leak/spew that's been hurting me lately is HORSE tournaments. FullTilt runs $5.50 HORSE tournaments a couple of times a day and I've probably played at least 5 or 6 of these in the last couple of weeks. I've yet to cash in one. Lately, I've been getting fairly deep (it usually ends up around 200 players with 24 cashing and I'll bust out somewhere in the 30's or high 20's), but I can't seem to break into the money. Tonight, I was pretty card dead most of the way. I got microstacked in the second Razz level and managed to double up, but I was still shortstacked. Then I hit a nice rush, winning two pretty good pots in Stud Hi and at least one in Stud8. I was right around 10th out of 70 remaining players when we went into LHE. Then, things took a turn. I played a questionable pot out of the SB, when UTG limped, the button limped and I completed with A7o (I almost folded it and I'm thinking in hindsight that in a tournament this might have been the best play). The flop came 972 rainbow and I lead out. The BB and UTG called and the button folded. The turn came another 9 and I was pretty sure my hand was good, but I wanted to get to showdown cheaply so I checked, the BB checked, UTG bet and we both called. The river came a J and I checked again, this time the BB bet, UTG folded and I called because that's what I would normally do in that spot in a cash game. In hindsight, there's not much of anything that I'm beating in this spot, so maybe I should have folded, but anyway he showed T8o for the rivered straight. I had lost about 2K of my 7K stack going into the hand. Then I lost another pot in my BB with K9o when the flop came Kxx with 2 hearts and I lead out and got raised, called the flop, the check/folded a third heart on the turn.

I continued to be card dead from there, losing some chips in O8 when I tried a little too hard in a couple of spots, then anteing off a bunch in Razz until I finally found and 864 with about two big bets left, I got all-in, but of course my board came 88QK and I was done. It's pretty frustrating because I've done reasonably well in low limit HORSE cash games and I think that I know enough about all of the games that I'm a definite favorite to win money in the small stakes cash games online (at least up through .5/1). But, I can't seem to break through in a tourney. Actually, even when I had a big bankroll and was playing a ton back in the day, I don't I've ever done much more than cash like once in a limit tourney that I entered by mistake on Party Poker. I've made most of my money in poker at LHE cash games, but never been able to do anything in limit tourneys and I'm not really sure why. Maybe there's some adjustment that I need to be making. Maybe I need to be more patient, or maybe I just haven't gotten the necessary run of cards. I dunno, but I feel like I ought to be able to do okay at limit tourneys, but I've never figured out how to win at them.

On a completely different note. I've been watching Poker After Dark lately and Howard Lederer said something this week that I thought was pretty profound. He said something all the lines of "A poker player has to want to win with every fiber of his being, but also be able to accept losing." While I think this is pretty much completely true (you won't be very successful at poker if you don't have a highly competitive, desire to win no matter what...and you will also have major problems if losing causes you to tilt and play badly), I find it to be almost a complete contradiction and very nearly impossible to pull off. Personally, I have the competitive desire to win part down completely, I've always struggled with losing. I tend to get angry when I lose, I've struggled with tilt at times and overall I have a really hard time with losing. Of course, I attribute this mostly to my competitive nature, which makes Lederer's comment pretty much a contradiction. Yet, the bottom line is that he's completely right. I'll never be as successful at poker as I want to be until I can accept losing part of the time as just a part of the game and learn to live with the fact that I won't always have winning sessions or winning days. In fact, sometimes I will have losing weeks, or maybe even losing months. I have to just accept that as part of the game and always keep in mind that if I play my A game every time out, over the long term I will win and that's really what matters.

In bankroll news, I'm still down over the last two weeks. Two weeks ago I had ~$600, now I have just under $370, but I did have a positive day today for the second day in a row, so that's something. I'll probably play a couple of cheap tournaments tomorrow, but I don't intend to spend all the much. I've spent like $120 in tournament buy-ins the last two Sundays and I don't think I cashed once in those. Obviously that's been a pretty big leak. I do still think that MTTs are +EV for me, but they're high variance and I'm not comfortable going off for as much as I have been in buy-ins with the small bankroll that I currently have.

Current Bankroll -
$368.18

Maybe I'm Not A Winning Player Anymore

After another bad day of carnage on Sunday, I took a couple of days off. I was thinking of trying ot give up online poker for Advent, but the bottom line is that that's not really all that realistic. It's my favorite hobby and I can't seem to stop myself. Plus, I'm sure my game would get worse after more time off. That said, I'm thinking maybe I should try again to give it up until Christmas.

I'm not sure I'm even a winning player anymore. I lost another 40 BB at .5/1 SHLHE again today. Now, granted it seemed like everytime I made a strong hand, someone had a better one. I lost with AA at least twice, I flopped a set of 5's and played it strong only to lose to a turned set of K's. It seemed like that kind of stuff happened to me constantly today. I had an AK that flopped trip K's and I lost with that (I don't even remember how). I didn't seem to make any flushes when I needed to. Granted, I felt like I was running pretty bad, but it seems like I constantly run bad, since I first started playing SHLHE again. I've seemingly never run good at that game, so maybe I just suck at it. The problem is, I have no idea where to go with my poker game. I'm not very good at NL cash. I'm now down $20 over my last 124 SnG's since I came back, so it doesn't seem that I'm very good at those either. I can't get anything going in an MTT, it's just sick. Full ring LHE, which used to be my bread and butter, has pretty much dried up. The tables are full of nits sitting back and waiting for strong hands, but also calling down with just about any pair, which means they can't really be run over either. I'm not sure if there is a way to beat that game for worthwhile money the way it's played right now. I'm certain that shorthanded is the way to go, but I can't seem to win at those tables, so I'm suffering from a distinct lack of confidence right now.

While I was getting my ass handed to me at SHLHE, I also played two $5.50 SnGs and an MTT. In the first SnG, I got HU against a donkey that was playing virtually every hand the entire tournament. I got all-in with 77 against his KT, but lost the flip to finish 2nd. Then, in the 2nd one I'm pretty sure I got sucked out on to finish in 7th place, but I don't remember exactly how I went out. Finally, I was doing pretty well in the MTT all things considered. It was a $2.25 buy-in with one $2 rebuy and one $2 add-on. I rebought right away, but lost most of my stack in the first hour and went into the break with only 1200 or so. I did the addon, then early in 2nd hour I got all in with 5s5c on a board of 3c4s6s and got called by two players. They both had flush draws that missed and I made a straight on the turn to triple up. I made some solid plays from there and built my stack to about 19K. Then, I was forced to fold on the flop after a few pre-flop raises with fairly strong hands didn't materialize into anything on the flop. I was all the way down to 6900 with blinds at 200/600with a 75 ante and about 37 players left with 27 cashing, when I picked up AKo in the BB. The chipleader raised in EP to 2400 and the button called him. I shoveled, the chipleader called and the button folded. Of course, the chipleader had AJo, flopped a Jack and it was GG me. I almost threw my laptop across the room. This stuff is just happening to me constantly in tournaments right now.

A week and a half ago my bankroll sat at $600, it's now $339. I just don't know what to do, I seem to be running bad everywhere I look and it's killing what little confidence I had. I'm practically scared to sit down at a table anymore, yet I can't seem to keep myself away. I basically have no confidence at the moment and while up still up from my $100 deposit back in October, it's mostly rakeback and I'm afraid that I'm no longer a winning player and I don't know how to fix it.